eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
