I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
