once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
