for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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