I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
