Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
