Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
