I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
