Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
