What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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