I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
