you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize