Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's rum buckets o'clock
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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