Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
