Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
