you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
