The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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