There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
