mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
