I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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