My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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