Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
