my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize