I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize