i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
