you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
