the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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