dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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