did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
