Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
