But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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