If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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