Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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