Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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