Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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