I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
