Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
