The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
