I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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