hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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