it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
