I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
