did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
