If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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