Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
