It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
