ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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