if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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