she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
