remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
