Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
