please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
