My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
