The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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