You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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