If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize