Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
