respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
