Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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